BAM!

Happy Wednesday everyone!

I have a super busy week: sons football game, family visiting from out of town, and daughters graduation! So proud of these kiddos of mine for overcoming obstacles and persevering.

I have been doing a workout in the format of 10-20-30. 10 minutes HIIT, 20 minutes weight supersets, and 30 minutes walking. I did not want to do this because it appeared so easy. Well, consider myself humbled. Monday I got through the circuit once! Today, twice! Woo-hoo for progress! Here’s my after workout muscle shot (isn’t that a must?).

20120613-143144.jpg

And this…

20120613-143219.jpg

I was so done. My biceps are still hurting! If you want a copy of the workout hit me up!

The Reality

Welcome back! I have decided to become really honest in my journey. I am now at 132 lbs., 31 inch waist, 34 inch chest, 25% body fat. These are HUGE wins.

What I look in the mirror and see is fat, loose skin, and stretch marks.

20120609-145136.jpg

This is my fight. It’s a fight that millions of other women are going through. It’s a fight no man may understand (save for those who also have loose skin), and it’s my biggest hurdle to a healthy self image.

The stretch marks I am acceptant of. The skin that looks like I had a c section: I am not acceptant of. I haven’t ever had a c section. This scares me because I don’t know if I can repair the elasticity of the skin.

What I am focusing on is losing fat, building muscle, eating clean, pumice scrubs, and moisturizing. Conventional wisdom says I need surgery for this. The few who have defeated this problem without surgery say I can do it.

This one problem area is the root of my distorted perception. While I fight this area physically, my psychological tools are also getting flexed. I start fat thinking (I am not, I can not, and the abusive self talk) and start not caring. I am in a good place because this doesn’t carry on as long as it used too. I can look at my progress and it stops all together. I am grateful exercise is changing my brain.

Do you have a mommy tummy? Have you overcome it? What did you do? How has your life changed in 10 months? Please share, I need all the help I can get.

5:00 am cardio!

It’s 5:00 am PST and I am still eagerly hoping for a snow day. Until that happens it is am cardio as normal. Today I think I have a long run day. Working on bettering my 5k time.

20120117-050440.jpg
This is where it all happens!

20120117-050529.jpg
Please, please, please SNOW more!

Started targeting my core more. I am going to plank for 2 minutes then I shall run like Forrest. I am building muscle:

20120117-050731.jpg

But I am not here yet:

20120117-050811.jpg

All in due time. I have patience (been working on it for years), I have support, and I have true grit.

What inspires you? How do you keep on keeping on when you don’t want to? Please share!

Getting smart, I am

Wow! I just spent four hours cooking lunches for the week! My feet hurt, my back hurts, and I am grumpy. I know this will pay off though. Abs are made in the kitchen, right?

Our kids like snacks food. Yesterday our youngest son got a bag of Cheetos and saved them for today. That being staid I decided to check out the calorie content. 320 calories in one bag!

20120115-200521.jpg

I decided to see how many apples that would be: it’s 3 1/2 apples!

20120115-200634.jpg

Who knew? That’s probably an entire small meal. Rumor has it that Cheetos started out as an alternative cattle feed. Who wants to eat that?

My personal weakness (which I am going to eat) is no-bake cookies. Unfortunately, they too are sucking in the taste arena. Why am I going to keep eating them? Because my brain doesn’t believe it. Each cookie has 180 calories, which is 2 apples. I think I need to find a healthy version so I can snack on it during softball tournaments. Dreams of carob are running through my head!

20120115-201131.jpg

There is so much food information I don’t know. I just need to focus on my body and connect it to my brain. Now I am going to go eat dinner, watch movies, and silently grieve for the former wonder of no-bake cookies.

The Skinny on Being Fat

A million things on my mind to write. A plethora of information should you decide to take your own journey into weight loss. First and foremost, this isn’t a journey, it’s a lifestyle change. The Guru has been trying to tell me that and I am just now accepting it.

on the inside...

Yeah, there's a skinny woman being re-born

Secondly: all the food that I thought I loved, it’s gross. Most of it is blah and really not very flavorful. Chocolate? That’s a whole nother issue altogether. I am still trying to kick it. Finding balance in loving chocolate and changing my lifestyle is difficult. Today my aha moment was: instead of telling myself that I can’t eat it I am telling myself that yeah, I can do that. It has re-framed my automatic response of, “oh yeah? watch me eat this chocolate.” Why do I still have it around me? Because we apparently have a chocolate fairy in our house. When the last of it is gone more creeps into the house through birthdays or co-workers bringing it into the office. Why couldn’t this happen with money instead of chocolate?

It's chocolate: and it's evil.

Thirdly: I have no idea how to walk. If I walk like normal than I am like a big clunky fat person without any grace. If I walk all hip swaying like then I am walking like a hoochy mama. Neither of those do I want to be. So I notice if I engage my core (my stomach and lower back primarily) then I don’t slouch and I don’t walk like a hoochy mama. This is a good thing. I feel really uncomfortable with re-learning how to walk. It is something that I can add to the list of things I didn’t anticipate experiencing once I lost weight. I do have a list, it’s all in my head. I should write it down somewhere…oh wait, that’s what I am doing!

Awkward! See the slouch?

Last, but certainly not lease: Why didn’t anyone tell me how fat I was? I look at pictures of myself from even back in 2007 and I was so fat. This brings me to how do you tell someone they need to lose weight? How can you safely and lovingly let them know that they really aren’t all that? Is it my business to say anything? Do I go about my way living my lifestyle while people I care about are hurting themselves? Heck no. I can’t do that. I wanted something different but I didn’t know what it was. I didn’t want to be fat. My vision somehow has changed…then I saw myself as beautiful but now looking back I was fat. Really fat. I was still beautiful, please don’t get me wrong. I just was so unhealthy. I have some grief around how bad it had gotten. I do think my mom tried saying something and I didn’t hear a single word of it. 😦

If it looks like a duck, quacks like a duck....then it's probably fat like a duck!

There you have it. Some of my thoughts over the last week as to what to share. Moving forward I have picked the races I want to run through September. I will run the 8k at the Shamrock run, then a 5k at a Summit I am attending, then the Lackamas 1/2 Marathon, the Prefontaine Memorial run 10k, then back to the race that started it all the Miles4Mileage 5k. That brings me through September. Now I have to figure out the rest of the year.

Any suggestions? What races do you run that you enjoy? Still looking for reading suggestions, do you have some? Thanks for reading and drop me a line!

Fabulously Me!

Well here I am in what appears to be my last renew with the Guru. I do reserve the right to change my mind at any point, especially if I am feeling that I can’t do it alone. I still have so much to learn! Like what about counting calories, what are good carbs, how much protein do I need to eat, how do I know when to balance nuts as a snack versus apples? There is so much information that I had better start reading about it all.

Any good places to start? Have you read something that gave you some good knowledge? Let me know!

I am down to 143! Can I get a woo-hoo? I feel fabulous and I am beginning to know that I look fabulous! This last part is an added bonus. I believed that eventually I would look good but I didn’t know if I could last as long as it would take. Now, on to the nitty gritty:

October & November have SUCKED! My motivation is really decreased. Once I hit a size 10 (yeah, that’s right!) then my mind tried to convince me that I was fine where I was at. <Hey mind, I am not falling for your trickery> I haven’t been this small since 2004 and I was not healthy then. At all. I was a gaunt meth head who probably twitched ( I don’t recall this, but I am sure my family will attest to it). My husband loves my new look and I think this is one reason I began to think I could stop. If he loves it then why shouldn’t I? Well…let me tell you why.

I HAVE GOALS. I WANT TO RUN IN A MARATHON, I WANT TO HAVE ABS, I WANT PEOPLE TO BE INSPIRED BY THE CHANGES IN MY LIFE, I WANT PEOPLE TO stop THINKING THAT I AM EXPECTING, I WANT TO RUN A SUB 10 MILE, I WANT TO DO SPEED WORK, I WANT TO TRAIN ON HILLS, I WANT TO WALK INTO A GYM AND DEMAND LIFTING EQUALITY.

Self, we have goals. A size 10 is fabulous but a size 8 is even better. You can meet your goals and keep making new ones. You can be an inspiration. You can have abs (think Gretchen Bleiler here)! You can run a sub 10 mile. You can do speed work. You can train on hills. You will demand lifting equality. When all this seems unattainable: do not start with the trickery! Remember the example we are setting for our family. Remember how much you were hating yourself! Remember how far you have come and how much further you have to go.

Next year when I am sitting on the beach wearing a bikini I will look back and think about these struggles and I will remember how much my motivation waned. I will congratulate myself and I will run into the ocean splashing my husband along the way.

The Run, Whinging, & Me

Hello long lost friends!

Today I am going to update you and whine and talk about me. I suppose that isn’t much different than any other blog but I need a good whinging session. So…to update you on the race I set a PR (like I said I would) and ran it in 36:00 minutes. I know, I know. I am not the fastest in the world but overall I was 6th in the 2nd heat! So….now whadya think?

Here we are after the finish line!

The best part about the entire day was that our kids and my little brother was there! Yay Kyle (my little brother). He is a competitive runner. It was an honor to have him volunteering at the event and being my starter. If you remember in my earlier blogs one of my goals is to run with him. This was a step closer to that.

I am at 149 lbs. now. I am wearing a size 12 and fitting into clothing that I haven’t worn since we dated. I was wearing a 14 inching my way up to a 16. While a 12 isn’t the ultimate goal it is one step closer to the goal. My goal weight is 135.

The lady on the left: that’s me during the plan.

This picture was while I was eating and exercising. I don’t see much difference until now….

The far right this time. My shirt fits differently and my face is thinner!

This is my team, by the way. It is a non-profit league, so if you feel the need to donate to the team so we can continue to play (shameless plug: http://www.tsrl.org) then feel free. If not, did you know such a thing existed? Yeah, I didn’t either until I started at my job. Anyway….I digress.

Super awesome ABS!

When I hit 135 lbs. then I will get to tone. And sculpt. That song Moves like Jagger? I have my own version: Abs like Bleiler.

Now back to me. I am doing really well. Except that the race happened right during the weather change. The week after there was rain, rain, and more rain. No big deal. This is Oregon: rain = grey = serious mood alteration. Not quite at the S.A.D. level: I only toe that line. This with some hip pain equaled some lacking in motivation. I haven’t been as active as I have wanted. I am feeling like I am stagnating. All of this and there are some serious signs pointing to reigning in the external things in and focus on the family. So I will be reorganizing my schedule. I have to make this work. I have to remember that I am not alone.

I also have to do my school, and the kids school, and keep my home clean, and parent, and be fun, and, and, and try NOT to freak out and become a list maker. Ugh, that would be overkill.

For now: I am taking a 4 day weekend: I am cleaning my house. I am getting back on track. I will do this 1day and 1 pound at a time.

Until then, keep me in your prayers and I will pass them on!