Getting smart, I am

Wow! I just spent four hours cooking lunches for the week! My feet hurt, my back hurts, and I am grumpy. I know this will pay off though. Abs are made in the kitchen, right?

Our kids like snacks food. Yesterday our youngest son got a bag of Cheetos and saved them for today. That being staid I decided to check out the calorie content. 320 calories in one bag!

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I decided to see how many apples that would be: it’s 3 1/2 apples!

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Who knew? That’s probably an entire small meal. Rumor has it that Cheetos started out as an alternative cattle feed. Who wants to eat that?

My personal weakness (which I am going to eat) is no-bake cookies. Unfortunately, they too are sucking in the taste arena. Why am I going to keep eating them? Because my brain doesn’t believe it. Each cookie has 180 calories, which is 2 apples. I think I need to find a healthy version so I can snack on it during softball tournaments. Dreams of carob are running through my head!

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There is so much food information I don’t know. I just need to focus on my body and connect it to my brain. Now I am going to go eat dinner, watch movies, and silently grieve for the former wonder of no-bake cookies.

The Skinny on Being Fat

A million things on my mind to write. A plethora of information should you decide to take your own journey into weight loss. First and foremost, this isn’t a journey, it’s a lifestyle change. The Guru has been trying to tell me that and I am just now accepting it.

on the inside...

Yeah, there's a skinny woman being re-born

Secondly: all the food that I thought I loved, it’s gross. Most of it is blah and really not very flavorful. Chocolate? That’s a whole nother issue altogether. I am still trying to kick it. Finding balance in loving chocolate and changing my lifestyle is difficult. Today my aha moment was: instead of telling myself that I can’t eat it I am telling myself that yeah, I can do that. It has re-framed my automatic response of, “oh yeah? watch me eat this chocolate.” Why do I still have it around me? Because we apparently have a chocolate fairy in our house. When the last of it is gone more creeps into the house through birthdays or co-workers bringing it into the office. Why couldn’t this happen with money instead of chocolate?

It's chocolate: and it's evil.

Thirdly: I have no idea how to walk. If I walk like normal than I am like a big clunky fat person without any grace. If I walk all hip swaying like then I am walking like a hoochy mama. Neither of those do I want to be. So I notice if I engage my core (my stomach and lower back primarily) then I don’t slouch and I don’t walk like a hoochy mama. This is a good thing. I feel really uncomfortable with re-learning how to walk. It is something that I can add to the list of things I didn’t anticipate experiencing once I lost weight. I do have a list, it’s all in my head. I should write it down somewhere…oh wait, that’s what I am doing!

Awkward! See the slouch?

Last, but certainly not lease: Why didn’t anyone tell me how fat I was? I look at pictures of myself from even back in 2007 and I was so fat. This brings me to how do you tell someone they need to lose weight? How can you safely and lovingly let them know that they really aren’t all that? Is it my business to say anything? Do I go about my way living my lifestyle while people I care about are hurting themselves? Heck no. I can’t do that. I wanted something different but I didn’t know what it was. I didn’t want to be fat. My vision somehow has changed…then I saw myself as beautiful but now looking back I was fat. Really fat. I was still beautiful, please don’t get me wrong. I just was so unhealthy. I have some grief around how bad it had gotten. I do think my mom tried saying something and I didn’t hear a single word of it. 😦

If it looks like a duck, quacks like a duck....then it's probably fat like a duck!

There you have it. Some of my thoughts over the last week as to what to share. Moving forward I have picked the races I want to run through September. I will run the 8k at the Shamrock run, then a 5k at a Summit I am attending, then the Lackamas 1/2 Marathon, the Prefontaine Memorial run 10k, then back to the race that started it all the Miles4Mileage 5k. That brings me through September. Now I have to figure out the rest of the year.

Any suggestions? What races do you run that you enjoy? Still looking for reading suggestions, do you have some? Thanks for reading and drop me a line!

Life as I know it

has changed drastically over the last 7 weeks. I posted some pictures on a previous blog which had prompted me to begin my weight loss journey. I will post some updated pictures towards the end of this blog.I have had food cravings, been tempted by others, struggled with scheduling time for myself, and rebelled against exercising. I previously ate out just about every night and if I was cooking it was either pasta or good ol’ American comfort food. I am neither Italian nor am I a farmer who works in the fields all day who needs a huge meal.

I have lost 14 pounds so far! I can run 3 miles in 45 minutes. I realize this isn’t even close to being competitive, but for all you haters out there, it’s better than what I was running 7 weeks ago: to the nearest cardiac unit! I have registered for a 5k on October 2nd, and I plan on finishing. Last week was my first all cardio week where I had to run on the road. Some days it was in the morning and some at night. It was soooo different than the treadmill…and I knew I would throw some serious fits. Ironically, after warning the Guru, I didn’t throw as many fits as I thought. Some days I just couldn’t do what I wanted, other days I exceeded my expectations. All in all, I am amazed at myself for actually doing it. This week I am back in the gym and doing AM cardio. Ugh! Seems so hard! Even though I didn’t want to give up any gym work for road running: now, I don’t want to give up road running for the gym. Apparently it is a simple Peter Principle formula. Wanting what I want when I can’t have it and wanting more of what I can’t have. Then, getting what I want and deciding I really want the other thing. You know, that indecisive bullshit we all do. 🙂

My biggest triumph was maintaining my weight in Washington, DC! I ate cream, and pasta, and dessert, and all sorts of things I shouldn’t have. Because of the incredible sites of DC and the great layout I walked just about everywhere. In one day alone we went over 10 miles! We had a car to drive but chose to walk instead. We discovered things in the city that we wouldn’t have discovered had we been driving. My favorite 3 things were: 1) the cooling fountain in the courtyard of the Capitol building, 2) the Library of Congress (TO DIE FOR!), and 3) a free concert on the steps of the Capitol. Of course I loved our stay in Capitol Hill and our walks through the neighborhoods. It was really neat meeting the residents of the city and getting to know the culture. We even went on a run through this area! It was so neat. I haven’t ever prioritized exercising let alone while on vacation. This was a major win for me because eventually I will want to eat like a normal person. This trip emphasized that if I do the work I can eat like a normal person…within reason of normative definitions, of course.

And now, the pictures I promised: DC Shenanigans.

PS: Self care is NOT easy. Going from not eating all day and binge eating once a day to eating 6 times a day is tough work. I am always planning my meals, thinking around mealtime, packing my meals, or cooking my meals. This takes TIME. Something that I thought I didn’t have much of. If you are thinking about getting a Guru make sure you are willing to invest in yourself. If you’re not, make sure someone else is and bring that person closer.

Day 3: UGH

All in all today wasn’t that bad. All the way up until I got me some shin splints on the treadmill. That hurt like a mother! I got through it by adjusting my speed and incline. I burned about 240 calories and went 1.5 miles. Ed kicked butt and did the whole workout burning some 400 calories and he went 3.5 miles. So proud of us.

Benefits to eating organic and raw foods (not to mention eating at all during the day):

  • Better mood
  • Able to recognize low blood sugar
  • Hitting the reset button on my stomach which is appropriately reminding me when to eat
  • Able to process through my emotions clearly
  • The kids are eating healthier
  • My husband is eating healthier
  • Less desire to smoke

Downside to eating organic and raw foods (not to mention eating at all during the day):

  • By drinking more water I have to pee, a lot
  • Planning my schedule around eating
  • Eating around my schedule
  • Food prep
  • Planning my schedule around eating
  • Exercising around my schedule

This is my 3rd day of the journey with the Guru.I keep thinking it is way more. Nope, just the 3rd. Soon I have to purchase something that I have refused to own for 18 years: a scale. This will be a momentous occasion.

Day 1: Food, food, food.

I am going into the morning of my day 2. Details aside…

I couldn’t have had a better day 1! Today I began my meal plan and I hadn’t eaten so much in a very long time. I usually had 1 meal a day and a gorge session. Today I ate 6 meals. Really it was 3 meals with 3 snacks. And math being what it is = 6 meals. 🙂 It was super good food too. I can’t wait to experiment with my chicken. ——-> that means flavor you fools! I drank like a million liters of water today and went on a 3.5 mile bike ride.

Here’s the kicker: Day 1 consisted of my niece’s birthday party. My weakness (or love) was in strong attendance. Cake. Cupcakes. & Ice Cream. Guess what? I DIDN’T EAT ANY OF IT. Well, okay, I had a cupcake crumb. I don’t think that is even enough for my body to digest. I mean, it was smaller than my fingernail. I hope that the Guru doesn’t consider that a cheat. If it is…crap, she reads this!

I danced with my former love today and my new love won. The new love is the skinny me that is awaiting me to embrace her as I have the frumpy me. Yes, I see that skinny me ahead in the distance. And guess what?

SHE’S HOT!

Thanks Mom.

I have to give a little shout out to my parents. Growing up I didn’t realize how very lucky I was to have the example I did. I suppose that I do still have a lot left to learn. Here’s the habits I learned from my parents:

  • we drank skim milk (I never liked it, I still don’t. But I do like 1%.)
  • we weren’t allowed cereals with sugar in them
  • no pop was ever in the house. if there was it was Coke and it was Dad’s.
  • no sweet snacks
  • no chips
  • there were always fresh veggies in the refrigerator sliced up ready for us to grab them
  • my parents have always been runners, hikers, bike riders, and dancers
  • my mom made food out of scratch; bagels, salads, and even yogurt
  • we always had veggies with dinner
  • growing up next to the Siri Farm taught me a lot about where food comes from
  • I still love green peppers, it is what I imagine sunlight tasting like
  • bread was always whole wheat
  • snacks were always available (especially after sporting events)

Now just because this is how it was doesn’t mean I adhered to that. I learned to cook early on so I could make donuts, cakes, muffins, etc. The first solo cooking expedition was a cake for my mom’s birthday. It was big and chocolate! I loved visiting the Siri’s house because they had Hostess cupcakes. Oh My God. I hadn’t ever had one until sixth grade and I thought that I had died and gone to heaven.

When my little brother was born and my parents got older I started seeing more sweetened cereals in their cupboards. They even buy chips now! Sometimes I am appalled at what is in their cupboards because it wasn’t even allowed when I was little.

My parents still run. Both in their 50’s (pretty sure Dad might be in his 60’s) and they are more active than I am. It’s a lifestyle, they have chose it. I have a foundation to adhere to and I can choose it also. My mom still finishes in the top 5 of her age group when she runs. She is beautiful, healthy and strong! I only hope that when I run: I too ,will finish in the top 5 of my age group.

Support…

is my wonderful husband volunteering to help me pay for the food scales, scale, and food containers. He is planning on exercising with me and he is planning on helping with food prep.

I LOVE HIM.

Even more amazing is that I am willing to let him help. My victim voice isn’t saying he is helping because he thinks your fat. I haven’t even gone there! That’s a major victory for me! I know he is doing this because he wants to help us change our lives.

This is the crux of what this decision is about. Changing our lives. Becoming more active, more conscious and much more present. I am really lucky to have someone whom I trust so much helping me. God blessed me when he allowed us to finally meet.

I should thank Him for that more often.

Food: yum!

My favorite foods are cooked, boiled, raw and flavorful. That covers a wide array of yummies.

Pasta. Pasta. Pasta. I love pasta.
Mexican food of any sort.
I like cheese: sharp Cheddar preferably.
My default cooking mode is comfort food: meatloaf, spaghetti & meatballs, potatoes, etc.
I am pretty sure I would die without coffee. I am a coffee snob. I like real 1/2 & 1/2. Fat free of course.
Pasta. Pasta. Pasta.
Waffles with peanut butter and syrup.
Love Thai food! Love spicy food!

Dislikes: mushrooms, tomatoes (depends on the prep), olives, any goat product. If it smells funny I won’t like it.

There you have it: the beginnings of my list. Tonight I meet The Guru and we do measurements & pictures.

Maybe I will post them. Depends on how accountable I want to be.