Woman I admire who is using again, the following message is for you.
I have been in your shoes. Wondering where I fit in, who I was supposed to be, and why this was happening…again. Each time I would attempt to do the next right thing and it just never happened. Losing my ability to parent was one of the hardest life experiences I have ever had. Not folding my children’s socks sucked. Not being able to hear their latest victories or sorrows sucked. Not having story time. Not being present for major life milestones. It. All. Sucked.
My disease is one that came about because it was a behavior in response to what was happening in my brain and in my heart. It was a way to numb both things because I did not know how to fix it. I know you have an idea of how to fix it. I know because we have stood here before. We have contemplated sobriety, we have sought sanity, and through the use of our strength we got through this.
You can come home again. You know I can help you get safe. I can help you get settled. I can ensure you have a safe place to feel free from anxiety in order to begin to unravel the damage. I will go to hell and back to advocate you get this opportunity. I will drive you there. I need you to want this too.
I watched you grow. I watched you gain your sense of power. I watched you give it away, and then I watched you walk away. Please. Come. Home. Call me. If you are ready to do this again just know that there will be no judgement. You are probably doing a way more thorough job of that then I ever would even want to. There is no shame sister in reaching out: you just have to make that first step.