The Skinny on Being Fat

A million things on my mind to write. A plethora of information should you decide to take your own journey into weight loss. First and foremost, this isn’t a journey, it’s a lifestyle change. The Guru has been trying to tell me that and I am just now accepting it.

on the inside...

Yeah, there's a skinny woman being re-born

Secondly: all the food that I thought I loved, it’s gross. Most of it is blah and really not very flavorful. Chocolate? That’s a whole nother issue altogether. I am still trying to kick it. Finding balance in loving chocolate and changing my lifestyle is difficult. Today my aha moment was: instead of telling myself that I can’t eat it I am telling myself that yeah, I can do that. It has re-framed my automatic response of, “oh yeah? watch me eat this chocolate.” Why do I still have it around me? Because we apparently have a chocolate fairy in our house. When the last of it is gone more creeps into the house through birthdays or co-workers bringing it into the office. Why couldn’t this happen with money instead of chocolate?

It's chocolate: and it's evil.

Thirdly: I have no idea how to walk. If I walk like normal than I am like a big clunky fat person without any grace. If I walk all hip swaying like then I am walking like a hoochy mama. Neither of those do I want to be. So I notice if I engage my core (my stomach and lower back primarily) then I don’t slouch and I don’t walk like a hoochy mama. This is a good thing. I feel really uncomfortable with re-learning how to walk. It is something that I can add to the list of things I didn’t anticipate experiencing once I lost weight. I do have a list, it’s all in my head. I should write it down somewhere…oh wait, that’s what I am doing!

Awkward! See the slouch?

Last, but certainly not lease: Why didn’t anyone tell me how fat I was? I look at pictures of myself from even back in 2007 and I was so fat. This brings me to how do you tell someone they need to lose weight? How can you safely and lovingly let them know that they really aren’t all that? Is it my business to say anything? Do I go about my way living my lifestyle while people I care about are hurting themselves? Heck no. I can’t do that. I wanted something different but I didn’t know what it was. I didn’t want to be fat. My vision somehow has changed…then I saw myself as beautiful but now looking back I was fat. Really fat. I was still beautiful, please don’t get me wrong. I just was so unhealthy. I have some grief around how bad it had gotten. I do think my mom tried saying something and I didn’t hear a single word of it. 😦

If it looks like a duck, quacks like a duck....then it's probably fat like a duck!

There you have it. Some of my thoughts over the last week as to what to share. Moving forward I have picked the races I want to run through September. I will run the 8k at the Shamrock run, then a 5k at a Summit I am attending, then the Lackamas 1/2 Marathon, the Prefontaine Memorial run 10k, then back to the race that started it all the Miles4Mileage 5k. That brings me through September. Now I have to figure out the rest of the year.

Any suggestions? What races do you run that you enjoy? Still looking for reading suggestions, do you have some? Thanks for reading and drop me a line!

Life as I know it

has changed drastically over the last 7 weeks. I posted some pictures on a previous blog which had prompted me to begin my weight loss journey. I will post some updated pictures towards the end of this blog.I have had food cravings, been tempted by others, struggled with scheduling time for myself, and rebelled against exercising. I previously ate out just about every night and if I was cooking it was either pasta or good ol’ American comfort food. I am neither Italian nor am I a farmer who works in the fields all day who needs a huge meal.

I have lost 14 pounds so far! I can run 3 miles in 45 minutes. I realize this isn’t even close to being competitive, but for all you haters out there, it’s better than what I was running 7 weeks ago: to the nearest cardiac unit! I have registered for a 5k on October 2nd, and I plan on finishing. Last week was my first all cardio week where I had to run on the road. Some days it was in the morning and some at night. It was soooo different than the treadmill…and I knew I would throw some serious fits. Ironically, after warning the Guru, I didn’t throw as many fits as I thought. Some days I just couldn’t do what I wanted, other days I exceeded my expectations. All in all, I am amazed at myself for actually doing it. This week I am back in the gym and doing AM cardio. Ugh! Seems so hard! Even though I didn’t want to give up any gym work for road running: now, I don’t want to give up road running for the gym. Apparently it is a simple Peter Principle formula. Wanting what I want when I can’t have it and wanting more of what I can’t have. Then, getting what I want and deciding I really want the other thing. You know, that indecisive bullshit we all do. 🙂

My biggest triumph was maintaining my weight in Washington, DC! I ate cream, and pasta, and dessert, and all sorts of things I shouldn’t have. Because of the incredible sites of DC and the great layout I walked just about everywhere. In one day alone we went over 10 miles! We had a car to drive but chose to walk instead. We discovered things in the city that we wouldn’t have discovered had we been driving. My favorite 3 things were: 1) the cooling fountain in the courtyard of the Capitol building, 2) the Library of Congress (TO DIE FOR!), and 3) a free concert on the steps of the Capitol. Of course I loved our stay in Capitol Hill and our walks through the neighborhoods. It was really neat meeting the residents of the city and getting to know the culture. We even went on a run through this area! It was so neat. I haven’t ever prioritized exercising let alone while on vacation. This was a major win for me because eventually I will want to eat like a normal person. This trip emphasized that if I do the work I can eat like a normal person…within reason of normative definitions, of course.

And now, the pictures I promised: DC Shenanigans.

PS: Self care is NOT easy. Going from not eating all day and binge eating once a day to eating 6 times a day is tough work. I am always planning my meals, thinking around mealtime, packing my meals, or cooking my meals. This takes TIME. Something that I thought I didn’t have much of. If you are thinking about getting a Guru make sure you are willing to invest in yourself. If you’re not, make sure someone else is and bring that person closer.